Naruto: Vengeance Revelations
by Monica Gilbey-Bieber
Summary: Yep, that infamous fanfic, which has since been deleted from FFN. Fortunately, there's a repost, with a link to it in my profile page. I'm going to challenge myself to translate it into more intelligible English. Please do remember that none of the original author's beliefs reflect my own. Contains sarcasm and lampshading of the absurdity of the original version.
1. Chapter 1: New Power

_Okay, so this is a story I just wrote. It's in the world of NARUTO, so I hope you guys like it, okay?_

_AN: There's no dudes fucking because that is fucking gross. I'm not a fucking yaoi faggot. Sheesh._

**_NARUTO: Vengeance Revelations_**

**CHAPTER ONE: New Power**

It was five days after I left my home for the village of Konohagakure, and when I got there, I met a girl who was really hot. Her name was Sakura. I also met her friends: Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi, who called themselves Team 7. Anyway, my name is Ronan Beelzebub. I'm thirteen years old, and have just come to the town. I am six feet tall, and have dark blue hair that looks like Justin Bieber's hair. (I don't like him though; FUCK HIM. HE SUCKS. ALL MODERN MUSIC FUCKING SUCKS. THE BEATLES HAD THAT HAIRSTYLE BEFORE JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER EVEN EXISTED.) I am very muscular, and I measure twenty-eight inches around my biceps. I have huge pecs. Furthermore, I also have a huge dick which is two feet long and quite fat, plus I cum a lot. I was really excited about moving to a new town, because I would finally have some new pussy to fuck, having had sex with all the other girls in my old town.

Since I was young, I knew I was special because I could shoot dark blue light out of my hands. It blew holes in stuff and was really powerful, but I didn't show anybody because I was afraid that they wouldn't understand it, and because I might be ostracized. (Then again, I could just blow holes into their stuff, right? And then all the girls can blow ME afterwards. Har har har.)

Anyway, the new town was so different, because it was in Japan, and I'm not Japanese; I'm American. Japan is different from America, although this wasn't really Japan; it was one of the Shinobi Nations. I know I just contradicted myself, but I was still so cool, after all. The place was cool too, of course, because the girls here are all sexy, and shit, I wanted to fuck them and their dripping, wet pussies.

I was wearing a really big, black cloak, and I had red shoes on. I had big chains around my neck and waist, and also had a headband (like the one in the show, except mine glows blue around it and has knives in it that surprisingly, haven't cut through my skull. Yeah. I broke the fourth wall, simply because I can. I'm an all-powerful, awesome, and SEXY Gary Stu, after all.) When I got out of our hummer, Sakura and her friends were shocked to see me because of the headband, and they were like, "Oh my God, I can't believe this! You must be one of us! We have a lot to tell you, so please come on the temple over there, and we can do it." Then, my headband glowed and they all gasped.

"How is this possible? I can sense that you have more power to show us, so come over to the temple and I will show you everything, including our-" Sakura said, interrupted when I took off my headband, and ethereal knives grew out of my head. She looked at me in astonishment, dumbfounded about what she had just seen.

"You are very special and have powers greater than our own," they said in chorus. "When you come to the temple over there, we will be strong-"

They were interrupted once more by a huge snake that fell from the black sky. IT WAS OROCHIMARU!

They told me to stand back because I could not handle this, even though they had told me earlier that I have powers greater than their own. Seriously, being around awesome and SEXY Gary Stus like me can turn even the best of geniuses into drooling idiots. So, I did just as I was told, and I watched as they fought hard using their ninja powers and were defeated one by one: first, Sasuke, then Kakashi, then Naruto, and then Sakura. And when he had Sakura, I shouted, "LET HER GO, YOU MONSTER!"

All of a sudden, my eyes turned blue, and I began to float. My powers were taking hold of me, and they were all shocked. Again. I grew ten feet taller, and began to fight Orochimaru as best as I could, saving Sakura and blasting him with hot (like me) beams of blue light. Sakura fell from his clutches, and I saved her by catching her with my big, strong arms. Orochimaru fell to the ground badly hurt, and then I waved my hands with blue light shooting out. He was lifted up, thrown, and hurt even worse than before. I flew over to him and roared at him, and he got scared.

Everybody else was amazed that I did this, and he was too, but he said, "You are not as powerugfukl as you think-k-k!" He coughed blood out of his mouth as he spoke, thus garbling his words. "I will be back; you'll see! And you'll die!" And then, he vanished. Right after he vanished, I fell down to the ground and shrunk back to regular size. All my human strength had been drained, and I ached.

Sakura ran to my side, saying, "You are more powerful than all of us combined. You are the chosen one to defeat Orochimaru. Thank you for saving my life." And then, she kissed me. She rubbed my crotch and added, "You are very big! Now, let's go to the temple, and you can heal. Then, we can talk about you."

They all carried me back to the temple, and I blacked out as we entered.

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_OKAY, THAT'S THE FIRST CHAPTER. I REALLY WANT AT LEAST 2 REVIEWS UNTIL I PUBLISH THE SECOND CHAPTER. I NEED TWO NOW; PEOPLE ARE READING MY STORY. I KNOW it's kind of different and darker than usual, but please give me a chance. It's going to get so much more awesome! EVERY NARUTO FAN WILL LOVE THIS. IF YOU LOVE NARUTO WRITE A REVIEW. PRETTY PLEASE?_


	2. Chapter 2: Ronan Awakens

_Okay, I'm really mad because I didn't get more than one review for the first chapter, so I hope this is different because it's good and you'll like it. Or, if not, FUCKING FUCK YOU, FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!_

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**CHAPTER 2: Ronan Awakens**

After the big battle, I was very tried, tired, and hurt, so everybody helped me even though I was more powerful than them. I had blacked out after the fight with Orochimaru. When I woke up, it was obviously the next day, and everybody was glad to see me the fact that I was still trying to recover from my battle injuries, Sakura and I then began to have sex when I saw her cunt leaking juice onto the floor. I vigorously fucked her hot, tight, and steamy pussy, although she almost couldn't handle it due to my gigantic, fucking huge dick. It was so big that it went into her organs, although she didn't get hurt... well, except for a bit. Being around an awesome and SEXY Gary Stu can increase pain tolerance, after all. Furthermore, she didn't die from this, when she should've, under normal circumstances. As my penis went back and forth inside her vagina which was probably as deep as the Grand Fucking Canyon because I can twist reality to suit my fucked-up desires, we both began to moan in pleasure sexily. I was ready to cum when she said, "Pull out, big boy!"

So, I did, and then I came on her face. The hot load of cum was quite a lot, that it completely drenched her, making her hair really wet and sticky. She then started to lick and suck on her hair while sucking my cock at the same time, but this time, she swallowed and she got full on my yum cum. (I just realized that that rhymed. Lol.)

Later, she showed me the temple, the dojo, and all the other sights to see. It was really cool, although it was sunny outside. I saw the other guys practicing, though I was more eager to see Sakura practice her hot and luscious moves. I knew it would be sensual and sexy. Her sweating and heaving body kicked, bound, and leaped. When she was all done and hot, she rubbed her butt up against my huge cock and accidentally let out a fart. "Excuse me," Sakura said with a coy laugh. "Accident."

But I liked it, so I asked her to do it again. Even if farts are involunatary by nature, I can MAKE THEM voluntary. Why? Because I'm an awesome and SEXY Gary Stu with the power to bend reality. It was incredibly hot, and I knew that I wanted to fuck her ass next. We went into the dojo and fucked again. It was nighttime, and obviously, the sun was out now, because, well, it was night! Duh! I rammed my dick into her ass, and she took it like a fucking bitch. I totally dominated her. Then, when we were fucking, Orochimaru came, yelled unintelligible gibberish, and then kidnapped Sakura!

"NO!" I yelled. But he was gone, and I knew that I had to get her back, so I asked the other guys to help even though they were obviously weak compared to me. Little did they know that deep inside me laid the powerful spirit of an ancient creature, and it was about to take over when I saved Sakura. Yeah, I can see into the future as well, simply because I am awesome.

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_Okay, so that was the second chapter. I hope it was good. Please write more reviews. I really need them because they are good, but don't flame. Please fucking don't flame, fuckers!_


	3. Chapter 3: Journey to Sakura

_Author's Note: GOD! EVEN THOUGH I'M AN ATHEIST! WHAT THE FUCK, you motherfucking assholes!? Okay, duck, er, FUCK you! Just, fuck you! I DON'T NEED TO CHANGE MY SPELLING; IT'S GOOD! Besides, what the fuck do you guys know!? This is a great story, so just shut the fuck up and READ it, you bitchcunties! Also, don't flame me! Instead, flame Monica Gilbey-Bieber, that bitch who wrote _One Less Lonely Gurl,_ like that stupid Justin Bieber song! She likes Western cartoons, modern top 40 'music,' and Chinese food! Basically everything I hate!_

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**CHAPTER 3: Journey to Sakura**

It was nighttime, and Sasuke and I were angry and hungry. We wanted to find Sasuke, so we tried, but could not, even though we were looking for someone who was with us all along, and one of the searchers is himself. He's always been like that, always in pursuit of himself or some similar philosophical shit. As we kept looking, we decided to set out into the Shinobi Nations because we had no idea where Orochimaru had taken Sakura to. In the vision of myself saving her, I had seen what looked like a cave, but I couldn't really 'see' where it was. I just hoped that she wasn't dead, because I loved her, even though I'd just met her a day ago. We went across the world to look for her, and we camped and stuff. The first night was hard because we weren't used to each other, but it was okay.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing, RONAN!?" said Sasuke in shock when he saw me sucking my own cock while jacking off to a picture of Sakura.

"What does it look like to you, fucker?" I could see that he was jealous of me a lot because his penis was small and so was Naruto's and Kakashi's; they didn't have a giant fucking cock like me. I then blasted a blue light at him and he went flying away, and he disappeared into the night sky, leaving with just a brief twinkle. So, I was left alone to continue sucking my huge dick, and then I came all over Sakura's hot picture where her pussy was soaking wet, and her tits were hung, like, double L cup. They were so big that they hurt her back, and slapped back and forth when she walked. She loved it when I stuck my cock in her cleavage because it was hot and big enough for her giant fucking tits. She loved milking them and giving me the milk.

"Ahhh..." I moaned, and continued to cum. However, there was something, or rather, someone, missing, and it wasn't Sakura. Rather, it was Sasuke, and I missed him. (NO HOMO, THOUGH. REMEMBER, I'M NOT A YAOI FAGGOT! JEEZ!) I wanted him to help me find that hot, fucking gassy slut even though he called me out on my autofellatio just moments ago.

MEANWHILE IN OROCHIMARU'S LAIR...

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I GOT YOU, YOU FUCKING SLUT! NOBODY WILL GET YOU BACK, ESPECIALLY NOT RONAN!" Orochimaru said as he laughed cruelly. "YOU ARE MINE FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

But then, Sakura screamed, and said, "PLEASE! OH MY GOD, RONAN! PLEASE! OH MY GOD! WHY!? HELP ME NOW! PLEASE!"

I could tell that she was in distress when she yelled, and I knew that we were close, so I got Sasuke, who went back to me unscathed anyway after I had thrown him up to the sky, Kakashi, and Naruto to get the fuck up so that we could all go to save her. She's a girl, so I knew how scary Orochimaru must be and how much she would need saving because I am a misogynistic fucker, and that's awesome. I started to get a huge, fucking hard-on, however, when I realized how hot she must really be when she's quite sweaty and wearing ripped clothes in Orochimaru's cave. God, (even though I am an atheist) the thought of that was so fucking hot that I burst my huge nut right there. None of us cared anyway despite the blood seeping through my trousers, and we just continued running. I'm a Gary Stu anyway, so my pain tolerance down there is unbelievably high. We eventually fell inside the cave where Orochimaru held Sakura captive.

"I WILL NOT LET YOU THROUGH, YOU KNOW!" yelled Procimaur, one of Orochimaru's minions, which was a creature with the head of a bull and the body of a man. Wait, that's a minotaur! Anyway, he laughed evilly and pounced towards us, but I split him into two with a beam of blue light from my hands. We then went past the portal he was guarding.

"WHO'S THERE!?" Orochimaru shouted and looked back. "OH! IT'S YOU! NOW, I WILL KILL YOU ALL!"

I knew he wasn't lying about that because he was evil.

"I'M GOING TO!" he yelled in emphasis sadistically, followed by unintelligible gibberish.

But then, a huge, blue burst of hot light came out of me, and it was my powderful, or rather, _powerful_ spirit that lurked deep inside me. It was a giant, blue-scaled dragon which blew blue fire that becomes Snake Brand Prickly Heat powder when it comes into contact with the target. It kinda looked like Blue Eyes White Dragon from Yu-Gi-Oh!, and it flew over to Orochimaru, thus beginning our fight!

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_Okay, so that's the end of Chapter 3. I know it's getting pretty dark and scary, but I promise that it's gonna get even more awesome. Hard to imagine, I know, right? LOL. BUT PLEASE REVIEW OR ELSE I AM GOING TO CRY LIKE THE MAN-CHILD I SECRETLY AM!_


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